The Disappointment is Killing Me

I'm now going to admit to doing something that I know you have all done at least once in your lives! A few days ago I was googling people from high school to see if I could find out what they were up to. Okay, I was googling past crushes and cuties, I admit it! Anyway, I actually found the boy that I was in love with for grade 7 & 8, followed by a repeat crush from grade 11 through to heading off to university. You know how they say, 'Be careful what you wish for'? Well, I kinda wished that I hadn't let my curiosity lead me down this path. Mr. Crush is, I kid you not, a used car salesman. He has a shaved head (due to his severe balding), glasses, and a goatee which does not do him any favours. It's not that I think about him anymore, I can't even remember the last time that I had. But every so often something would remind me of him and I would wonder what his life was like now. I thought surely he is still on top of the world, the way he was in high school. And who knows, he's likely very happy with his life, but I can't help but think he's disappointed (at the very least about the balding). Now that I have seen the harsh reality, I keep going back to his picture - repulsed, yet fascinated.

Even though I am hugely disappointed that Mr. Crush has been deflated in my eyes, I can't help but feel triumphant too. It's such a puerile thing, but I take comfort in the fact that I still look the same as in high school (better probably, so modest..) and that my resumé is, most assuredly, better than his. You see, Mr. Crush always had lots of time for me away from the public eye of the snotty high school clique he was part of, but not if they were around. We worked together at the same restaurant/gas bar and had lots of fun (innocent I tell you!) moments but I was barely acknowleged at school. And that hurt! So disappointment yes, but I also think some karma has come back to bite Mr. Crush in the butt! Ha!

It's like going back to your high school reunion purely to gloat at all the cool kids who have turned into pathetic slobs that no one wants to talk to. Wow, who would have thought I cared so much? It makes me think, once again, that 'adult' life is really just a glorified school yard with better fashion sense.