Sentimental Domesticity
Today I had a huge burst of energy and expelled this energy by cleaning, cooking, and ironing. I am half-heartedly nervous about being pregnant or something! Where did this come from?? Seriously, I think it's mostly because the cleaning lady didn't come on Monday because of the holiday and things were starting to get skanky again. As for the ironing, Krazy's wrinkled shirts have been bugging me for weeks and I couldn't bear to have him leave the house tomorrow with yet another wrinkled top. And the cooking? Well, I like to do that sometimes.
Lately I've been thinking lots about being 28. Every year after the birthday euphoria wears off (yes, it lasts a good two weeks for me - that's how much I love birthdays!) I wonder what this new year will bring and what does it mean to be the age I am now. What sort of expectations do I have for myself now? What expectations does my family have? And now I'm a mother so there's a whole new complicated set of expectations from my son.
I've been thinking about my mother and grandmothers lots too. More than usual, since I often think of my family. I had some nice conversations with my mother and my Oma this weekend. I wish I could converse with my other grandmother but she has Parkinson's and has been rendered silent by that vicious disease. I think about her the most. I dream about her and guess what? She can always walk and talk in the dreams. Or she starts to get better over the course of the dream. I love the idea of her finding a way to communicate with me, via my dreamworld. Does she dream of me? Think of me? She was like a second mother to me growing up so I'd like to think that I'm on her mind. It's so weird to be mourning over someone who's still alive. But that's exactly what it is.
Whew. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. It must be that I'm 28 now. Don't ask me why that changes anything...I should look at my astrological chart, I bet it has some answers. There's some kind of shift taking place, I swear.
Yes, I'm one of those freaks!
Lately I've been thinking lots about being 28. Every year after the birthday euphoria wears off (yes, it lasts a good two weeks for me - that's how much I love birthdays!) I wonder what this new year will bring and what does it mean to be the age I am now. What sort of expectations do I have for myself now? What expectations does my family have? And now I'm a mother so there's a whole new complicated set of expectations from my son.
I've been thinking about my mother and grandmothers lots too. More than usual, since I often think of my family. I had some nice conversations with my mother and my Oma this weekend. I wish I could converse with my other grandmother but she has Parkinson's and has been rendered silent by that vicious disease. I think about her the most. I dream about her and guess what? She can always walk and talk in the dreams. Or she starts to get better over the course of the dream. I love the idea of her finding a way to communicate with me, via my dreamworld. Does she dream of me? Think of me? She was like a second mother to me growing up so I'd like to think that I'm on her mind. It's so weird to be mourning over someone who's still alive. But that's exactly what it is.
Whew. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. It must be that I'm 28 now. Don't ask me why that changes anything...I should look at my astrological chart, I bet it has some answers. There's some kind of shift taking place, I swear.
Yes, I'm one of those freaks!
posted by Melbine @ 8:04 PM
4 Comments:
At 8:23 PM,
Mistress La Spliffe said…
That's the thing about anniversaries generally I suppose, they make us think harder, somehow.
At 8:42 AM,
Melbine said…
Yes I think you're right.
At 9:45 AM,
Sugarplum said…
That's the problem with age. It has a stigma to it and we have to readjust our self-image fit this changing identity. I refuse to do it. I refuse to feel that I need to justify where I am in life based on my age and the expectations I had of myself when I was growing up and these numbers had more meaning.
I don't think age means anything. What matters is who you are and how you live in your body.
At 12:34 PM,
Melbine said…
That's awesome that you can break free of the age stigma Sugarplum! I am not so immune..
However, I do think there is a constant natural self-image adjustment and change of identity as you age..and not for the worse. It's just life. I mean, I don't feel the need to eat KFC anymore. That's a big change of identity! And I'm only half-joking. :)
I know, you're going to be 25 till you die! You're smarter than Bryan Adams..why would he want to remain 18? Eck.
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